I Experienced A Panic Attack for the First Time
If it felt like ages to me, I can’t begin to imagine the horror she would have lived in those twenty-something minutes
Today I went to Sam’s club to get my COVID 19 booster shoot. My laziness to do so gave up to the constant whining from the wife.
“You know you had to take it on February 1st. It’s April 26th today,” she yelled, “all you have to do is walk across the street and take the damn shot.”
“Um, what?” I asked while trying to refocus my undivided attention to playing Monopoly on the iPad.
“GAURAV, STOP PLAYING THE CHILDREN’s GAME. GO. NOWWWWW.”
Ugh! Women and their jealousy of men’s relationship with the couch and digital gadgets.
I mortgaged my freedom
I don’t know if I felt happy or strange to see other people at Sam’s club.
Before COVID, everyone complained about stress and wanting to have a break from the usual. Now, they aren’t willing to stay indoors. I hear some are also complaining about burning out of chilling at home. Phaaashhh!
Anyway, I asked the lady at the counter to jab a three-inch needle into my thick skin. She asked me to wait in the waiting area.
I was walking towards it when my eyes fell upon a kid who had come to get a shot herself. She might have been ten or twelve. I have never seen a kid so excited about a needle.
When I was her age, I remember I was always worried about the lady nurse seeing me butt naked. I don’t understand why some needles work on arms, but some must put a hole in your bum.
But back to the kid getting her COVID shot
The happy kid, now jabbed, went to explore the rest of the store with her mum and her brother. After thirty minutes, the family returned while I was still waiting in the queue. The kid’s demeanor had changed completely.
“Mum, I am going to die. I am telling you I am going to die. Help me, please, mum. I am going to die,” her cries for help broke the silence in the pharmacy.
“No, honey. You are not going to die,” the mum tried to reassure her, “let’s have the good chemist look at you.”
“You don’t understand. I felt something in my heart. I am going to die.”
She was sweating, complained of shortness of breath, and her body was rocking back and forth.
After he had a word with the kid about how she was feeling, the chemist asked the mother if she had any history of anxiety.
“Yes, she has severe anxiety,” the mother confirmed, “it’s another panic attack, isn’t it?”
The chemist nodded. He went back to the kid and asked her to perform some breathing exercises. But it wasn’t helping, and she was getting more anxious. She felt concerned she was going to die.
In the meantime, the other chemist called me for my shot. As I was taking it, the kid had all my attention. I have never seen something so troubling.
It was my first ever experience with a panic attack.
I have heard and read about it, but seeing it with the naked eye, I can say it felt way worse than what the internet says. I couldn’t fathom the idea of a human brain tricking her by showing an alternative reality.
Isn’t the human brain designed to protect us? How was it protecting the kid by trapping her inside her thoughts?
I stayed back after taking my shot
The chemist never let her hand go. He continued to assure her of her safety and she was experiencing an anxiety episode. It took her another twenty minutes to calm down.
I felt relieved when I saw a smile returning to her happy face.
I felt gutted that she had to go through that. If it felt like ages to me, I can’t begin to imagine the horror she would have lived in those twenty-something minutes.
I felt horrified at the thought the panic attack could return to her anytime. She would have to go through it again someday.
I returned home with something broken inside me.
*Mental health issues are real. Do not dismiss or consider them taboo. Please seek professional help.
